Sunday, December 16, 2012

Oh yea, there are things going on...

Regular readers (if there is such a thing) may have noticed I haven't written any new entries for some time. One person actually asked me if I'd given up writing this blog, wondering if it's because "there's nothing worth writing about" in my life these days. That's hardly the case. There are LOTS of things going on in my life (and the world at large) that are 'blog worthy'...

Here are just some of the subjects I've considered writing about...

My job at the quarry - the actual job... the stigma of working at a place many people believe (erroneously in my opinion) to be a detriment to the environment... the uncertainty of lay-offs and my struggle to remain at work in the face of looming unemployment... the physical toll on my body... the personal dynamics of the quarry workforce... the birds and animals I see there.

Driving - my commute to work... the bad habits of some drivers and the scary moments they cause

Current events - the latest school shooting, the Christmas season, politics etc

Birds - birdwatching adventures my wife and I have enjoyed... the various bird species and the behaviors I witness... the community of like-minded people at the forum...

The past - thoughts and reflections on my "dark years"... where I've been and who I've known... scars inside and out

God - my journey to spiritual understanding... the quest to find balance in my life... religion...

Oh yea, there are LOTS of things worth writing about. The above ideas are just a fraction of blog-worthy fodder in my mental rolodex. I have a number of topics lined up that I definitely plan to write about and new inspirations come every day.

So why haven't I?

There is no easy answer to that. It's not like I haven't had the time, the energy or the will to sit down and write. I have. What's stopping me from adding new blog entries at every opportunity is my own state of mind. When I look at the urge pushing me to write about something, like driving, for example, a big part of my desire to write is born of negative emotion... anger and frustration. Like, I want to rant about driving and the people I share the road with. 

Ranting about things is very easy and can make for some entertaining reading but I have to ask myself if that's what I want to do... if ranting in full sarcastic and cynical mode is the right thing to do. As fun as it can be in the short term, is it something which will stand the test of time without regret? Will writing in a negative bent help me achieve balance? I already know that it will not.

I have discovered negativity is easy, a self-serving, self-sustaining way of thinking which can cloud one's appreciation for life. I have no wish to write from a negative point of view even if by necessity I must write about negative things since so much of the human condition embraces that easier path. If I'm to write about anything I must endeavor to do so from a place that is free of my own negative feelings and bias.

When I restarted this blog I pledged to remain honest and truthful. The truth is I have struggled with negativity most of my life... spent years embracing it in the way I looked at the world and everyone and everything in it. I have come to realize negativity is at its core a very arrogant way of looking at things... a self-centered "me first" mindset which allows one the luxury of side-stepping personal responsibility for their life, their actions and their emotional state. 

Negativity's mantra is "Life's not fair." Believing that causes one to react to everything that doesn't fit their way of thinking (or their wants, needs and opinions) as a personal slight against them. They get upset about things that really aren't about them at all. 

Life is not fair or un-fair. Life just is. 

Man is the only living thing which questions life, the only living thing that believes it deserves to be alive.

I wish to write about life, including the inherent negativity Man brings to it, but I don't want to be negative while doing so. I don't want to look back at my blog entries with regret. There is enough negativity in the world already. I have no desire to add any more to it.

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